My Wife’s Name is “Karma” and I Can’t Lose Weight!

My Daily Mission

I wake up most mornings with the same desire, complete with attached motivation – to curb my diet beginning that very day as I start down the road to shedding a few excess pounds. But just as my waking motivation controls the initial part of my day, there seems to be this dark-force energy that permeates my determination. I hit the gym about 4 days a week yet I get derailed each and every day. 

Take today for example. I woke up about 6 am. I performed my early morning comfort-room detail and immediately trekked to the kitchen for an 8-ounce glass of cold water. I went to the computer, powered it up then proceeded to make myself a cup of black coffee with a touch of honey (no more refined sugar). I nurture my first cup of coffee like it could be my last. Thirty minutes later, I retrieve myself a second cup (because I read on the internet that two cups are more healthy than just one) to enjoy while I finish up my morning computer routine. After an hour or so, I went back to the kitchen to get a piece of fruit (banana) and a full glass of spiced vegetable juice (no vodka).

Around 11:00 am, we ready ourselves to head to the commissary to do some grocery shopping, and along the way we stop at the local mall’s food court for lunch. I decide on a six-inch Subway sandwich… a low-cal oven roasted turkey with all the veggies, no mayo and with a little black pepper sprinkled on for effect. And to wash it down – a bottle of mineral water. My wife, stops at the Asian Wok and gets her usual rice with beef and broccoli. I never could understand this, but when an Asian woman orders food from an Asian style eatery, they tend to be gifted more rice than anyone should be allowed to eat in one setting!

I have no trouble finishing my sandwich and I consumed most of the bottle of water as I shared it with the Mrs. She then slides her unfinished meal over to me and asks me to finish it for her. Okay I thought, it wasn’t that much and I didn’t want to see it go to waste, so I finished off her order (who doesn’t love Beef and Broccoli?). Then we head into the department store to pick up a few things and before I know it, we are checking out with a couple of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and two frozen ice cream bars straight from that darned chest freezer someone put right there in front of the check-out counter. Why do they do that? Nevermind. After all, we were going grocery shopping and you know what happens when you shop for food when you are hungry. So we sit outside and begin the ice cream devouring process. I got my favorite Klondike Crunch bar and she gets one of those high-end Haagan Dasz bars.

And as you might guess, I have no problem finishing my ice cream snack when the wife says, “I’m full, you want this?” Well, there is no way in hell I’m going to let her simply dispose of a sizable portion of a $3.00 ice cream bar so, yep, to help her save face in the name of world hunger, I kindly finished it for her.

So now, it is barely noon, and I have consumed two cups of coffee w/honey, one banana, a full glass of tomato juice, a 6-inch submarine sandwich (on Italian bread), a half an order of rice w/Beef and Broccoli, one and a half ice cream bars and most of a full bottle of water. Then we complete our shopping and as we head to the checkout counter, I notice our cart wouldn’t be complete without the 20 lb bag of rice, a sack of potatoes, three loaves of bread and a handful of frozen pizzas. At least she had yogurt on her list.

What’s for dinner you ask? Polish Sausage and potatoes with cabbage AND rice! At least I’m having a Yoplait ‘LITE’ Yogurt for dessert. And now as I get ready to post this, she is in the kitchen baking a large batch of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies! How does one win the war when you can’t even win just one battle?

And just as certain as tomorrow comes and I will get yet another fresh start, someone will probably throw a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder w/Cheese at me and hit me square in the forehead! My odds for weight loss do not look good… at least until I return to the Philippines next month (Though I have another set of battles in Samar!)